In Death We Find Life
by cowgirl.at.heart
Summary: post - "Meridian" S05. Watching her friend die in front of her, Sam is overcome with grief. Will Jack be able to help her through? J/S
1. Chapter 1

Sam watched as the spirit of Daniel rose above his lifeless body and floated out of the room. Within 48 hours she witnessed one of her closest friends suffer and finally die in front of her, and then watch as his spirit ascended to a higher plane of existence. As the after-glow from Daniel's spirit faded, Sam was left staring at his body, eyes wide, her breathing coming in short ragged breaths. Her mind was spinning, trying to come to terms with what had happened, and with her emotions were running rampant, she was quickly losing ground with controlling them.

Turning his attention from the doorway, Jack's eyes caught the look of raw emotions on Sam's face, and knew that she was at her breaking point. But just as he reached out to her, she turned and fled out of the room, moving as fast as she could down the halls, trying not to draw attention to herself. Jack quickly excused himself from the infirmary, and went after her. He knew that people were probably watching him as ran through the SGC corridors, but he didn't give a damn.

Jack caught up to Sam, just as she entered her quarters. "Carter!" He put a hand on her shoulder, and turned her around to face him. Although she had been able to prevent herself from crying, Jack could see that her eyes were brimming with unshed tears, and that she was breathing so heavily she was on the verge of hyperventilating. She couldn't even speak, it took all she had just to shake her head. With his heart breaking at the point of seeing his 2IC so vulnerable, he crossed her room, and grabbed her keys off of her desk. He looked at her, eyes warm and caring. "Come on. Let's get outta here."

Not trusting her voice, Sam just nodded. Jack took her overnight bag from her room, and placing his hand on the small of her back, guided her towards the elevators.

SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1

Tossing her bag into the back of his truck, Jack opened the passenger door for Sam before climbing into the driver's seat. Looking over at her, as he buckled his seat belt, he could see her staring out the window, face pale, a small tear trickling down her cheek. "Hey," he said gently, as he took her hand in his. "You're gonna be okay."

Sam blinked, causing more stray tears to fall. "Drive," she breathed, her voice barely above a whisper. Jack nodded, and briefly let go out her hand, as he started the engine, lacing their fingers together again as he pulled out of the parking lot.


	2. Chapter 2

The ride had been long, but Sam didn't notice. She was too busy lost in her own thoughts, constantly replaying the events from the last few days. It wasn't until Jack opened her door, that she realized that they had stopped, and taking a look around her she realized she was at Jack's cabin. He could see the look of confusion on her face, and her eyebrows go up in a questioning manner. Jack shrugged his shoulders, "I didn't want you to be alone tonight," his voice strong and steady, eyes never leaving hers.

Despite her grief, Sam blushed under his gaze. "Thanks sir."

"Come on, let's get you inside," he said as he took her bag out of the truck, and led her up the steps to his cabin. Once inside, he placed her bag in the living room. "Just give me 5min to set up the guest room."

"Sir, you don't have to. I am perfectly ok with sleeping on the couch."

"Carter, I have a guest room for a reason. Plus what kind of gentleman would I be if I let a woman sleep on my couch, when there is a perfectly good bed in the spare room."

"Yes sir," she said, a small smile crossing her face. "I'll get some coffee brewing."

"Sounds like a plan, Carter." Ten minutes later, Jack walked back into the kitchen. "Taaadaa. One spare bedroom, perfectly ready for one Major Carter."

Sam handed him a cup of hot coffee. "Thanks sir." She ran her fingers through her hair. "Thanks for bringing me here. I just...I needed to get away...you know?"

Jack nodded, and leant against the counter along side her. "Yeah I know." Silence fell between them, as they quietly drank their coffee. Despite the somber circumstances, mixed emotions ran through both of their minds. The death of Daniel Jackson; a team member, a close friend, a family member, tore a hole right through Sam's heart, and yet having Jack at her side when she needed him, offering a strong and silent shoulder, being with him alone at his cabin... added fuel to an already slow burning, smouldering fire, which added guilt to all of the things that she was feeling. Guilt that she could possibly be feeling those kind of things, when she should be mourning.

Long after the steaming coffee was drunk, Sam continued to hold the mug, staring into the ceramic bottom, lost in thought. Images of the last five years with Daniel flashed through her mind, further ripping her heart into pieces. Jack looked over, but was unable to see the painful emotions flashing across her face, as her head bent low over her mug, her hair falling down in front of her face. He took a moment to take in the woman next to him, the way she leant against his counter top lost in her thoughts, the ways the last rays of sun streamed through the window and highlighted the golden flecks in her hair. All the years he had been inviting her up to his cabin, and unfortunately it took the death of one of their own, to bring her up here.

"Thinking again Carter?" he said jokingly.

She laughed bitterly, tucking her hair behind her ears, and that's when Jack saw the stray tear trickling slowly down her cheek. "Hey," he said softly, taking the mug away from her, and placing it next to his on the counter. He placed his hand on her forearm, "it'll be okay."

At the feeling of warm hand on her arm, she looked up at him, eyes brimming with unshed tears. "He was one of my best friends...and I..." she sniffed, and tried to wipe away some of the tears. "I can't believe he's gone."

"You don't have to do this alone." Sam locked eyes with him, baring her soul in their icy blue depths. Jack's eyes were warm and full of affection, as he let go of her arm, opening his arms widely, in a silent invitation. Without hesitation, she walked into embrace, wrapping her arms around his neck, and burying her head in the soft cotton of his t-shirt. Pulling her tightly against him, Jack's arms snaked around waist, one hand rubbing her back comfortingly. He could smell the scent of her shampoo, and her breath against his skin, and he allowed himself to continue holding onto her, probably tighter and closer than a CO should hold his 2IC, but right now he didn't care, and he inhaled the flowery scent of her, resting his head in the crook of her shoulder.

The sun had long since sunk below the horizon, by the time Sam leaned back in Jack's embrace. The had stopped crying a while ago, but her eyes were still red, and they had lost the sparkle that Jack loved so much. He let his hands slide from her back, and down her arms, where they took hold of her hands. "Maybe you should take an early night." Sam nodded. "Think you can sleep?" he asked, his voice full of concern, his thumbs slowly rubbing the back of her hands.

She squeezed his hands reassuringly. "Yeah I'll be fine," she said softly. She released his hands, and gave him one last smile before heading off to the spare bedroom.

"Carter," he called after her, causing her to stop right outside the bedroom door, and turn and look at him. He sighed, and ran his fingers through his hair. He wasn't really good at expressing his feelings, especially when it came to Sam. "I...Sam I..." he shook his head. "Good night Carter."

"Good night sir."


	3. Chapter 3

Sam couldn't explain what is was exactly that woke her up, but she at some point in the night she found herself wide awake, with a nagging feeling like something was wrong. Wrapping her sweater around herself, she quietly slipped out of the spare bedroom. Despite the darkness of night, there was a a small amount of moonlight coming through the living room window, outlining Jack's silhouette against the fireplace.

Padding softly across the hardwood, she could see him holding a up a picture in the pale light. He knew she was awake. He heard her as she crossed the room, and could smell her unmistakable scent, so he wasn't surprised when she came up right behind behind him. "Sir?" she asked softly.

On a closer look, Sam could see that he was holding a picture of SG1, taken last year. A small smile played across her face as she thought back to that day. They were off-world, P3X-5089, standard recon mission with SG6. There were some aztec-based ruins, that Daniel was crazy to look at. Bored out of his mind, Jack had played a prank on Daniel, hiding the rest of his gear, which had resulted in a minor male scuffle, but ended in the four of them rolling around in laughter. She didn't remember who had taken the picture, but she remembered how good everything had felt then. SG1 was kicking goa'ould ass, and replicator butt, and they felt unstoppable.

"I couldn't sleep", he said gruffly. Sam's heart ached, not just for her own grief, but for the man she saw in front of her. Very rarely, did Jack let down his soldier-facade, but in the soft glow of the moon, Sam could see the frown lines around his eyes and creasing his forehead, and how his eyes had turned a deep chocolate from their typical hazelnut. "I remember this day," he said wiggling the photo frame. "I thought Daniel was gonna kill me."

Sam took a few steps closer to him. "Awww you could've taken him sir."

He turned his head and his gaze caught hers. He gave a small smile. "I know...but still."

"That was a good day."

"Yeah it was," he said as he placed the picture back on the mantle. He sighed, and the sound stabbed like a knife through Sam's heart.

"Heyyy," she said gently. She quickly closed the space between them, and placed her hand on his chest, right over his heart. Her mind was reeling, she would normally never do anything like this with her CO, making sure she kept any emotions or feelings towards him deeply buried. But circumstances were different with the death of Daniel, and they were both in need of a comfort. She could feel his free arm wrap around her waist, holding her in a close embrace. Her eyes met his, and she shared all of these forbidden emotions in her gaze. His eyes warmed when the met hers, and he covered her hand with his own. "Everyone is allowed to grieve when the lose people they care about sir. Even tough old soldiers."

They held each others gaze, enjoying their close proximity to each other, but neither daring to say what they wanted to. Slowly Sam reached up with her other hand, placing it on the back of his neck at the base of his hairline. Standing up on her tip-toes, and using her hand to gently move his head forward, she placed a soft kiss on his forehead, letting her lips linger on his warm skin.

Her heart raced, as her lips left his skin, but as much as she wanted to continue, she knew that that was about as far as she dare let herself go, before she lost complete control of her emotional state. Jack's thumb traced small circles on the back of her hand, still holding it tightly to his chest, eyes never leaving hers. He smiled back at her. "Who are you calling old, Major?" Sam ducked her head, trying to hide her blush. Before she could say anything a yawn escaped her mouth. "Bed Carter."

She didn't want to leave his embrace, but she could feel her body energy depleting quickly. It had been quite a few days since she had a solid nights sleep, so she nodded against his chest. She took a deep breath and backed out of his hold, instantly missing the warmth of his body. As she headed back to the bedroom, she threw him a warm look over her shoulder. "Goodnight sir."


	4. Chapter 4

When Sam woke up the next morning, the events of the previous night came flooding back to her. "Ughh" she groaned to herself. _What was I thinking? Jack's your CO!_ She thought back to how she held him while he grieved, and then how she had reached up and brushed her lips against his forehead. _He held you too, remember_. _That embrace was definitely not one-sided_, she told herself. Despite feeling embarrassed by her her actions, she felt the return of those all too familiar butterflies in her stomach, and a warmth spreading under her skin. Rolling over onto her stomach, she buried her face into her pillow and let out another groan.

"Carter is that you? You awake?" She heard Jack's voice, muffled by the closed bedroom door. Sitting up, and swinging her legs over the side of the bed, she took a deep breath calming herself down, and smelt the rich aroma of the breakfast Jack was frying up.

"Uhhh, yes sir! Just...Just getting dressed!" Flipping over the pancakes, Jack grinned to himself as pictures of his 2IC undressed floated around in his head. "Whatcha thinking about sir?" So caught up in his non-regulation thoughts that he hadn't heard Sam coming out of the spare bedroom. He turned around and saw her standing there in the bright morning sunshine, dressed in a pair of well worn jeans and a soft tank top. Her question still hanging in the air, she could feel his eyes roaming over body, and she fought back the blush that was creeping up her face.

"You know how I feel about you in tank tops Major," he said, his voice husky, a smile playing on his lips. Despite her best efforts Sam could feel her blush deepening, but she returned his smile bashfully. After about a minute of awkward silence, Jack raised the spatula in his hand. "So uhhh breakfast is ready. Hope you're hungry."

Although breakfast was eaten in silence, the awkward tension from before was completely forgotten. No words were spoken while they ate, but every few moments their eyes locked and many an unspoken word were exchanged in their depths. No matter how high and strong they built their emotional walls, and hid behind their professional masks, they could always read each others true feelings in their eyes.

Eventually though their plates were empty. "That was delicious sir."

Jack offered her a warm smile. "Anytime Carter." He got up and started clearing the table.

"Sir can we talk?" she asked as he was putting the last dish into the sink. Jack nodded and followed her out onto the dock. The sun was warm, heating up the worn wood of the dock, as she sat down, letting her feet dangle off the edge. He sat down on the dock next to her, staring out over the water, as he waited for her to tell him what was bugging her. Sam too stared out at the sunlight dancing on the water's surface, trying to gather her thoughts. Eventually Jack heard her let out a deep breath, and he knew she was ready. "I'm tired of pretending," she said softly, not taking her eyes off of the lake. "Pretending that this..." her eyes caught his briefly, before returning to the lake, "...doesn't exist. Trying not to need you... hiding how I feel, it's getting harder, and it only gets me so far. I'm not an idiot..." she smiled when she heard him laugh quietly, "...I know the regulations, and I know how important it is for SG1 to stay together especially with all of the threats that we're currently facing. But sir, being here ...everything that happened yesterday...breakfast this morning...I see what I'm missing...and what I want. And it tears me up inside knowing what I can't have."

Jack had been quietly listening to everything that she had been saying, and his pulse quickened at her sudden admission. He wasn't an idiot ether and he knew how they both felt about each other. "Who say's you can't have it?" Sam's eyes widened at his words, and she quickly turned her gaze from the lake to his chocolate brown eyes. "Carter, on a daily basis, I see you get shot at, blown up, tortured...you name it. And yet I have to stand by as your CO...I have to sit and watch as Dr Frasier stitches you back together..." his voice dropped a few decimals, "...and as you mourn over lost friends, when every fibre of my being wants to reach out and touch you...hold you." He sighed and ran his hands through his hair. Speaking about his feelings had never been his strong point. "Sam," he said gently as he placed his hand over hers. "I have spent so long trying not to care for you." He smirked, and pointed a finger at her. "But you, Major, don't make it easy. With your big blue eyes, and your smile..." Sam looked down, a blush spreading across her cheeks, but Jack's grin faded. "How can I pretend to be just your CO, when you're lying comatose in the medical room?"

Sam looked back up at him, hearing concern in his voice. "I'm not the only member of SG1 whose nearly died a few times."

"No you're not," Jack said, his eyes serious. "But you're the only one I can't live without." Jack stood up, pulled Carter to her feet, and took her other hand in his. "Carter this weekend, we definitely crossed some lines...but I don't care. If Daniel leaving has taught me one thing, it's just how unpredictable our missions are, and at the risk of sounding cliche, how short life is. I know what I said a year ago, but I don't want to keep all of this in that room anymore. Not when I could lose you on a mission tomorrow."

Sam's heart was racing. She hadn't really thought past what she had wanted to say to him, and hearing him mirror her own words and feelings, she felt those butterflies doing somersaults in her stomach, and a tingle running down her spine. Taking a few small steps, she closed the distance between them, and allowed him to pull her into his arms. She inhaled his scent, as she rested her head against his chest, wrapping her arms around him. "I didn't want to leave it in the room back then," she mumbled into his shirt. "I just didn't see that we had another option."

Eventually Jack pulled back, and placing his hand on her cheek, he let his fingers flutter over her cheek bones, behind her ear, and then trace the edge of her jaw bone. Sam closed her eyes at his touch, trying not to gasp at the fire that burned where his skin touched hers. Jack's fingers grazed over her lips before coming to rest on her neck. He pulled her face slowly towards his, his eyes never leaving hers, watching for any signs of hesitation. Seeing no resistance in her eyes, Jack placed his lips against hers. Sam felt the temperature in her body rise even higher as his soft lips moved against hers, and his large calloused hands held her gently. She moaned softly into his lips, and moved her hands up behind his neck, fingers running through the hair at the base of his head. Any rational thoughts she had quickly fled her mind. "The regulations..." she breathed in between kisses.

His voice was deep and husky as he spoke, "don't care." Sam gasped as he trailed kisses down her neck and grazed his lips over the soft, tender skin between the base of her neck, and her shoulder. Jack smiled at the sound, "I've been wanting to do that for a very long time Major," he said, running his lips back up to hers. He kissed her now, long and passionately, letting everything that he'd been hiding away, pour out of him. Sam responded in kind, running her tongue enticingly over his lips. He willingly granted her access, deepening the kiss, as he moved his hands from her neck to wrap his arms around her and pull her as close to him as possible.

Eventually the need for air became overwhelming. The two were panting as they broke apart, resting their foreheads against each other. Once they had caught their breath, Sam leaned back slightly in his embrace, her hands sliding from his neck, splaying across his chest. "What happens next sir?" Jack eyes sparkled, and the corners of his mouth lifted in a grin. Sam gave him a sarcastic look, but smiled back. "Seriously sir."

"Carter, we just crossed some major boundaries. The least you could do is drop the sir."

"Jack. What do we do now?"

He sighed. "I could ret-"

"You even think of retiring, and I'll microwave all your Simpsons dvds."

Jack feigned shock. "You wouldn't." Sam glared at him, and he sighed, pulled her back towards him, and tucked her head under his chin. "Well I'm not having us reassigned to different teams." Silence fell between them as they held each other. After a few minutes, he pulled back and held her in front of him, hands firmly on her arms. "It'll be okay. We're SG1 right?" Sam nodded. "And we've saved the planet like a million times right?" Sam's smile widened as she nodded again.

"Not quite...but yes," she said, eyes twinkling as she teased him.

"Then it's solved." He ran his hands down her arms, and took hold of her hands, interlacing their fingers. "Carter I don't care if I have to call in every marker I'm owed, we will find a solution. We always do." His thumbs caressed the backs of her hands. "Besides we seem to have a knack for getting ourselves out of very tricky, near-impossible situations."

Sam gave him one of her rare, mega-watt smiles, that she saved just for him. "Sounds like a plan to me sir...Jack."

"Good," he grinned. "Because I wouldn't mind doing this again," he said softly as his lips brushed against hers. "Or this..." his lips brushing against hers again, lingering against her soft skin.

"Mmmm," she sighed against him. As she reached up to kiss him back, a cool breeze broke through the perfectly still air, blowing right over them. Sam's eyes followed the direction of the breeze as it blew out over the lake. "Daniel?" she whispered.

Jack smiled, somehow knowing their friend was watching over them. "I take it you approve then?" he said, looking up at the sky. The breeze blew back across them, sending a slight chill down Sam's spine. Both Sam and Jack smiled as they watched the breeze blow through the wind chimes on Jack's porch. "We miss you Danny-boy," he said, and the wind responded, blowing once more through the wind chimes before fading away in to morning air.


End file.
